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Steph Tolev on Childhood Bullying, Family Trauma, and Near-Assault

Ryan SicklerAugust 30, 20221h 7min49,815 views
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Childhood and Highland Dancing

  • 💃 Steph Tolev recounts being forced into Highland dancing by her mother from age three, despite not having a dancer's body and finding it a "nightmare."
  • 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿 Despite excelling at age nine, she continued until 18, traveling to Scotland for competitions where she often didn't place.
  • 🎶 Her mother also insisted she learn the bagpipes, leading to an uncomfortable and inappropriate encounter with her instructor.

High School Bullying and Assault Arrest

  • 😔 Tolev describes being severely bullied in high school for her appearance, with classmates defacing her yearbook and calling her names.
  • 👊 A physical altercation in gym class led to her arrest for assault, resulting in suspension and a criminal record, though the charge was later dismissed.
  • 🎭 By the end of high school, she found her voice through theater and student council, and some bullies eventually apologized.

Difficult Family Relationships

  • 💥 Tolev details a volatile relationship with her father, characterized by rage-induced outbursts and physical altercations, leading her to move out at 18.
  • 💔 Her mother, deeply involved in Highland dancing, was often absent, leaving her father to raise the children.
  • 🤝 Despite past trauma, Tolev has worked to mend her relationship with her father, who has sought help for his anger issues.

Dating Challenges and Near-Assault Experience

  • 💔 Tolev shares struggles with dating, including being ghosted and experiencing emotionally manipulative relationships.
  • 😨 In Los Angeles, she recounts a terrifying near-assault experience where she had to fight to escape a man who became aggressive.
  • 🚫 The experience has made her wary of trusting people, particularly in the current dating landscape.

Navigating Identity and Relationships

  • 🏳️‍🌈 Tolev discusses her attraction to women, finding those experiences safer and more sensual than with men.
  • 🤷‍♀️ She expresses confusion and exhaustion with modern dating apps and the prevalence of ghosting.
  • ❤️ Tolev desires a partner who is deeply invested, communicative, and caring, rather than someone who is ambivalent or cancels plans.

Advice for Her Younger Self

  • ✨ Tolev's primary advice to her 16-year-old self would be to stop being so hard on her body, recognizing that she was fit and healthy, and that appearance concerns were largely unfounded.
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What’s Discussed

Childhood TraumaBullyingHighland DancingBagpipesFamily RelationshipsAnger ManagementDatingGhostingAssaultSexual AssaultComedyComediansTorontoLos AngelesLGBTQ+Bisexuality
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