Savage Lovecast 961: Friendships, Douching, and Unresolved Feelings

Navigating Friendship Dynamics

• 🚩 A caller questions how to handle a new friend who exhibits concerning behavior towards other friends, such as ditching them for better opportunities or leaving them alone.
• 💡 Dan Savage advises that a friend who is not good to others may eventually not be good to you, suggesting pushing back on the behavior or slowly distancing yourself if the friendship feels unsafe.
• 🤝 The concept of "no trading up" in friendships is introduced, emphasizing the importance of honoring commitments made to one friend even if a more appealing offer arises.

Douche Safety and Travel

• ⚠️ A caller asks about the safety of using non-potable water for douching while traveling.
• 💧 Dan Savage explains that if water is not safe to drink, it's likely not safe to douche with due to potential absorption of pathogens into the rectum.
• ✈️ The recommendation is to use bottled water for douching when traveling to areas with unsafe tap water, or to bring a personal douche bag.

Ghosting and Ex-Partner Dynamics

• 👻 A listener describes being ghosted by an old friend and former boyfriend, suspecting it's due to his wife's discomfort with their continued contact after he flirted with the caller.
• 💔 Dan Savage confirms that a partner's request to cease contact with an ex, especially after inappropriate behavior, is a common reason for ghosting.
• 🗣️ He suggests communicating your understanding of the situation to the friend and accepting that the friendship may end if the partner's wishes take precedence.

Long-Distance Relationships and Values

• 🌍 A gay man in New Zealand is considering helping a man from a conservative, anti-gay country to get a visa and move to New Zealand, despite their differing long-term relationship goals.
• 💖 Dan Savage suggests viewing the potential relationship as a valuable short-term arrangement (STR) that can provide immediate support and escape for the man from the conservative country.
• ⚖️ He advises acknowledging that the relationship may not be long-term, allowing for a more positive and loving exit when the time comes, while still potentially providing crucial support and a pathway to freedom.