Sarah Nicole & Cara Loenthile on Working Motherhood and Socialization

The Adulting Disconnect

• 💡 Women often experience a disconnect where they feel like they're faking adulthood, despite having responsibilities like renting cars or buying them.
• 🧠 This feeling is linked to societal socialization that historically viewed women as less capable of making decisions and more like children.
• 🚗 Even simple adult tasks, like renting a car, can trigger a feeling of being 17, highlighting a lingering sense of not being fully in charge.

Socialization's Impact on Value and Identity

• 🎯 Women are socialized to believe their value fluctuates based on external factors like appearance, others' opinions, and pleasing people.
• ⚖️ This contrasts with how men are often socialized to see themselves as authorities and providers, with less societal pressure on their value being conditional.
• 💼 The concept of a "working mom" is discussed, acknowledging the inherent conflict and tension women experience balancing career and family roles.

Navigating Provider Roles and Motherhood

• 💰 The discomfort of being a primary provider can arise for women, especially when it's a new experience or a significant shift from past roles.
• 🤱 The guilt associated with dropping children off at childcare is a common struggle, often stemming from the societal expectation that mothers should prioritize caregiving above all else.
• 💭 Reframing these feelings involves acknowledging the difficulty of loving two things that cannot happen simultaneously, rather than interpreting negative emotions as personal failure.

Reclaiming Value and Body Autonomy

• 💖 A core issue for women is the belief that they lack inherent value, leading to a constant seeking of external validation.
• 🗣️ The tendency to assume negative judgment from others is often a reflection of one's own internal self-talk and societal conditioning.
• 💄 The conversation touches on beauty culture, emphasizing that the problem lies in societal penalties and pressures, not individual choices like wearing makeup or undergoing cosmetic procedures.

Practical Tools for Thought Change

• 🪜 The "Thought Ladder" is introduced as a tool to move from negative thought patterns to desired beliefs through small, achievable steps.
• 📈 The key is to practice neutral thoughts that make you feel just 10% less shitty, gradually building new neural pathways over time.
• 💪 This gradual approach, rather than seeking quick fixes or affirmations, is presented as the path to significant, lasting life change.