New Year's Resolutions as Perfectionist Fantasies: A Conversation with Victoria Myers

The Flaw in New Year's Resolutions

• 🎯 Most New Year's resolutions are not true resolutions but perfectionist fantasies stemming from low self-worth or self-loathing.
• 💡 While rituals can help structure commitment, they are ineffective if the underlying thoughts and feelings are not positive.
• 🧠 Resolutions often fail because they are based on the false premise that future achievements will create confidence, rather than confidence coming from present thought patterns.

Thoughts, Feelings, and Actions

• ⚡ Our brains are not objective observers but creators and interpreters of reality, with our thoughts directly causing our feelings.
• 💬 The common phrase "I feel fat" is a thought, not a feeling, and often a socialized association with physical discomfort rather than an objective observation.
• 🧩 Understanding that our perception of our bodies is influenced by our thoughts is a crucial step in changing negative self-perception.

Shifting Towards Self-Acceptance

• 💡 The "thought ladder" technique involves practicing neutral thoughts (e.g., "This is a human stomach") to gradually shift from negative self-talk.
• ✅ This method provides a small emotional payoff, rewarding the brain and making it more receptive to change, unlike drastic jumps to positive affirmations.
• 📚 Understanding the historical context of diet culture and body image, particularly its racist roots, can help loosen attachment to current societal standards.

Effective Goal Setting for Perfectionists

• 🔑 For perfectionists, the antidote is setting goals that seem so small your brain dismisses them as insignificant (e.g., a 10-minute walk).
• 🚀 This minimum baseline approach counters the perfectionist tendency to aim for unattainable, all-or-nothing goals.
• 📈 Consistent small actions, even if they feel insufficient, are more effective than grand, unsustainable resolutions.

Empowering Sayings That Miss the Mark

• ⚠️ Phrases like "Just love your body" or "Fake it till you make it" are unhelpful because they don't address the root cause of negative feelings, which is our thought patterns.
• 🚫 Telling yourself "You have to tell people your needs so they can meet them" can be disempowering, as it implies your emotional security depends on others' actions.
• ⚖️ "Know your worth" is problematic when it links intrinsic human worth to external factors like salary or a partner's behavior, leading to anxiety and emotional dependency.