How Do I Tell My Family I’m Living a Double Life?

Addressing Addiction and Trauma

• 💡 The caller, a 49-year-old mother of seven, sought advice on telling her teenage children about her struggles with alcohol and addiction.
• 🎯 Dr. Delony advised focusing on stopping substance use first, rather than immediately delving into complex root causes.
• 🧠 The caller's recent relapse into drinking and marijuana use was triggered by a series of traumatic events, including a severe head injury, pulmonary embolism, and the loss of a missionary dream in Puerto Rico.
• 📌 She has a history of compulsive behaviors, including past addiction to painkillers, food, and shopping, which she now recognizes were present before her recent trauma.

The Burden of Guilt and Pain

• 💔 The caller expressed feeling like a burden to her family since 2012, following a traumatic birth and multiple surgeries for her seventh child.
• 😔 She carries significant guilt over the Puerto Rico incident, believing her fall and near-death experience caused her family to lose their dream and return to the US.
• ⚡ Dr. Delony acknowledged her immense pain, comparing her experiences to "giant cinder blocks" added to an already heavy emotional "backpack."
• ✅ He affirmed that her actions were a way to "survive" the overwhelming pain, which alcohol and marijuana temporarily numbed.

Communicating with Children

• 🗣️ Dr. Delony advised against immediately labeling herself an "addict" to her children, as a 13-year-old might not metabolize such information effectively.
• 🔑 Instead, he suggested a message focused on "Mom's been really struggling" since returning from Puerto Rico and is "getting the help I need."
• 💖 She should explain that her withdrawal (e.g., going to bed early) is due to her illness and struggle, not a dislike for them.
• 🫂 He recommended individual conversations with each child, tailoring the details to their age, and asking for a 30-second hug to foster connection.
• ⚠️ The caller was warned that teenagers might express anger or accusations, which are normal reactions and should not be taken personally.

Path to Healing and Sobriety

• 🚀 The caller is actively pursuing healing, having attended and planning to return to a healing trauma program at Onsite.
• ✨ She reported that being 11 days sober has been "a lot better than I thought it would be," indicating progress.
• 🤝 Dr. Delony emphasized the importance of trusting her supportive husband's perspective when she struggles to see her own worth.
• 🌱 The path forward involves "putting the crutches down" (alcohol and weed) and allowing herself to feel the pain to rebuild strength.