Growing Up in Polygamy: A Story of Trauma, Resilience, and Finding Self-Worth

Childhood in a Polygamous Household

• 🏠 Ashley grew up in a polygamous family with one father, six wives, and 45 siblings, experiencing life in trailers with no heat or AC.
• 💔 At age two, her family split, with her mother staying with her father, leading to a nomadic childhood across Nevada and Utah.
• 📚 Raised in the AUB (Associated Fundamentalist Latter-day Saints) branch of polygamy, they read the Book of Mormon and the Bible, believing in a prophet receiving divine revelation.
• 🏘️ The family attempted to start a polygamous community in Mayfield, Utah, where Ashley lived until she moved out at almost 18.

Navigating Trauma and Loss

• 😥 Ashley experienced significant childhood trauma, including the emotional impact of siblings leaving and the neglect she felt as a middle child.
• 😔 Bullying in middle school led to suicidal thoughts, which persisted for years.
• 💔 The most life-changing event was the suicide of her 14-year-old brother, Ammon, at age 16, which deeply impacted her and led to her own suicidal ideation.
• 🤝 Her now-husband, Paul, who also lost his brother around the same time, provided crucial support, helping her realize she had self-worth and a reason to live.

Leaving Polygamy and Finding Identity

• 💔 Ashley and Paul, raised in the same polygamous religion, initially planned to live polygamy but struggled with the concept, especially after the birth of their daughter.
• 🕊️ A dream about her brother Ammon assuring her he was okay provided comfort and peace, challenging the religious belief that he was in hell.
• 🏥 Ashley experienced difficult pregnancies and births, including two hospital births and one home birth, often with unexpected complications.
• 👨‍👩‍👧‍👦 After having their children, Ashley and Paul gradually distanced themselves from the religion, prioritizing their children's well-being and breaking cycles of trauma.

Healing and Self-Discovery

• 💡 Ashley found healing through acts of kindness, particularly "acts of blue" in honor of her brother, and by sharing her story online.
• 🗣️ She emphasizes the importance of mental health awareness, healthy coping mechanisms, and the strength found in vulnerability and crying.
• 👩‍👧‍👦 Becoming a mother has been a profound healing experience, allowing her to provide her children with the love and support she lacked, and to break negative generational cycles.
• 🌱 Ashley advocates for self-worth, kindness, and seeking help, believing that healing is a process and it's never too late to work on oneself.