Dear Prudence: Controlling Fiancé, Hoarding Partner, and Estranged Mom

Dealing with a Hoarding Partner

• 🏠 The letter writer invited their father and his partner, Jessica, to stay after a natural disaster destroyed their home, offering them the larger bedroom.
• 🛋️ Jessica, who has hoarding tendencies, has brought excessive items into the condo, making common spaces and closets unusable.
• ⚠️ Jessica reacts with distress to any attempts to clean or organize, while the father dismisses the letter writer's concerns.
• 💰 The letter writer suggested renting a storage unit or facing charges, but the situation remains difficult.
• 💖 Advice suggests approaching the situation with compassion for Jessica's trauma and loss, while also firmly setting boundaries about shared living space.

Navigating a Strained Relationship with Mom

• 💔 The letter writer is struggling because their mother, now dating, is overly focused on her partner's grandchildren, ignoring the writer's own difficult life events.
• 🗣️ When the writer expressed their need for support, their mother became defensive and denied their feelings, leading to a communication breakdown.
• 🚫 The writer has stopped responding to their mother's calls, feeling small and lonely, and is considering canceling a planned visit.
• 🤝 The advice emphasizes the need for a vulnerable conversation, expressing feelings of being ignored or hurt, and seeking balance in conversations to include both happy and sad topics.
• 🫂 It's suggested that the writer explore other sources of emotional support and consider postponing the visit until communication improves.

Addressing Controlling Fiancé Behavior

• 💍 The letter writer's fiancé, who has controlling tendencies, threw away her dry shampoo, claiming it was "cancerous" and that she should be thankful.
• 🚩 This incident is seen as a symptom of a larger pattern of controlling behavior, not just about the dry shampoo itself.
• ⚠️ The advice strongly suggests investigating the fiancé's behavior for signs of emotional abuse, using resources like the domestic violence power and control wheel.
• ⚖️ Couples counseling is cautioned against if abuse is present, with a recommendation for individual counseling and safety planning, especially if the relationship ends.
• 🚫 The hosts strongly advise against marrying the fiancé at this time due to the red flags of controlling behavior.